Muslim Girl in America

I'm an American girl, born and raised, and a Muslim.

The Visit: Day Two

on January 6, 2013

So, this morning we met up near a Metro station. He wants brunch, but at this stop, which he picked, there isn’t anything open. We head to one of the museums and eat in their cafeteria. It was overpriced and it was lunch not brunch food, but it wasn’t bad. The weather seems to parallel the mood of our time together today: first bright and sunny and hopeful, then increasingly gray and moody.

I ask him if there’s anything he wants to see. He says no, so I take him around to look at some art. Our conversation is light and superficial. We eventually head to a few other museums nearby and I’m glad I have the museum to distract me. At a few moments during the day, I turn and look at him. I think about how he lied about where he worked (why wouldn’t you mention you had your own business and say you worked for a company instead?), and I wonder what else he lied about, and I realize that I don’t trust him. Not with the Metro card I lent him, nor with my heart. I want the marriage but I don’t want it with him.

We finish out the day before he heads out to the airport. We part on good terms though I don’t end it yet. I need advice first to make sure I’m doing the right thing. I talk to my Mom when I get home. She agrees. She gives me the whole spiel about how I’ll only find older guys who will be set in their ways, but she’s concerned about the lying. She says it’s better to end it now. She says, when it’s right, it’s right, and this doesn’t feel right. Don’t call him, she says, but wait for him to call you. So that’s what I’ll do for now.

I feel frustrated and a bit of a failure. I’ve invested 2 months into this and I can’t believe it’s not going to work out. I can’t imagine how it is for others who invest years or more into a relationship and call it quits. I can’t imagine the pain they go through. I didn’t love Texas – I can be honest about that – but I had hoped to.

So, now I’m back to the drawing board again. InshAllah (translation: if God wills it) I’ll meet the right someone soon.

Thanks for reading!

-M

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