Muslim Girl in America

I'm an American girl, born and raised, and a Muslim.

To LinkIn or Not to LinkIn? That is the Question …

on December 10, 2012

So tonight, I received a message from LinkedIn letting me know that someone wanted to connect to my network. Not usually an odd occurrence, but today this request was coming from a former suitor. An ex, as it were. Which begs the question, do you connect with your exes through social media?


This ex was not my ex-fiance (though I have seen his name pop up as someone I might know and have ensured that it does not pop up again). This ex was someone I had spoken with through my recent bout of online dating. This guy was nice, but he didn’t really have a job (at 36) and was having Visa issues which meant he might get deported back to Pakistan. I am an American girl, born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin’ out, maxing, and relaxing all cool, and all shootin’ some b-ball outside of school … well, you get the picture. I couldn’t live in Pakistan. And, though he was a nice guy, I knew it wouldn’t work out. I’m more confident in my decision now that I’m on Team Texas, and we did part on good terms.


So do you connect with an ex on an innocuous site such as LinkedIn? On Facebook, I would definitely say no, but I tend to keep my profile private just for family and my closest friends, whereas other people I know have thousands of friends and that works for them. As the purpose of LinkedIn is to extend your professional network in hopes of finding a better position (and I am searching for a better position), I’m going to say no Mr. Visa Issues. We’re not in the same field at all, so it doesn’t seem to make sense on a practical level.


What if he was in my field? On an emotional level, I’m still going to say no. If he was in the US and had a career here, it gets trickier because we probably already share some of the same network contacts anyway. Generally, though, I have no desire to find out what my exes are doing. I wish them all good luck in their endeavors, but I don’t really want to hear about it. And if they hit the jackpot or are really successful, then I really don’t want to hear about it. I know some people stalk their exes on social media, but that’s just not me. Do I look up people who were mean to me in high school and see if they’re less successful than me in true Romy-and-Michele fashion? Sure – that’s just normal. Nothing wrong with looking up an old frenemy or nemesis, but stalking is a no-no in my book.


What do you guys think? Am I right to avoid Mr. Visa Issues? Or should I connect to him and awkwardly explain to my future husband (whomever he may be) why I’m linked to him in the future?


Thanks for reading!



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