Muslim Girl in America

I'm an American girl, born and raised, and a Muslim.

Here I Go Again …

on August 26, 2012

Well, here we are again. Yet another sequel to the saga of my speed dating experiences. Someone once said that the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Am I crazy for trying again? Am I crazy to stop trying to meet someone? I don’t know. I just want to meet someone. Someone who will be kind to me and my family, and understands the importance of religion and prayer in daily life. I also want (and maybe for a Muslim girl this is shooting for the moon) someone who adores me and who I adore as well. Sigh. Well, if nothing else, hopefully these experiences are at least providing some amusement for all my readers out there.  And giving me something to do on a weeknight.

So, after last time I ended up meeting with Mr. Linguistics and Mr. Similar. (I should mention that Mr. Judgmental and Mr. B.O. also contacted me but I chose not to meet with them.)

Mr. Linguistics and I actually had 3 or 4 phone conversations before we ended up meeting for coffee. I took this as a good sign – we talked easily, the conversation wasn’t forced, he was nice, and he seemed to be interested in me since he kept calling back. Our meeting went well … until he mentioned that he travels for 9 months out of the year for work and isn’t really interested in anything long-term. Why would he wait so long to tell me this? He never mentioned it in any of our previous conversations. After thinking about it later on, I began to think that maybe it’s me. All the guys I’ve met seem to come up with a reason not to keep seeing me after we meet – what I am doing wrong? As I’ve never “dated” before, I don’t know what the rules are. Even watching Friends or watching my real-life friends in their relationships hasn’t prepared me for this. Am I coming off as desperate? Needy? Un-attractive in some way? I just don’t know. I know I hate the games – why can’t we come out and say: “I’m at the place in my life where I want to get married and start a family” or “I’m not looking for anything long-term” right off the bat? Why do we dance around the issue? It’s so frustrating. Readers, any guidance would be most appreciated. Anyway, after that, he texted me to say he wasn’t interested in me.

Mr. Similar and I also met for coffee and had a nice chat. He’s younger than me and shorter, which I’ve found tends to turn guys away. Once Ramadan started a day or so after our meeting, we couldn’t meet up, but we still texted and checked in with each other.  Everything was okay – just okay. I suppose I was treating him as a sort of safety school – waiting to see if something else panned out first. I don’t think I was treating him meanly –was I? No, I don’t think so. Anyway, he ended up sending me an insanely long text where he tells me that he wants to live abroad and he’s still trying to find himself while getting over a break-up (with a woman he was seeing for 5 years but hadn’t married) and really just wants to be friends. Well (and I mean this with the best of intentions), best of luck to you, Mr. Similar – I hope you find what you’re looking for.

So here we are: Speed Dating IV.

So this one, just days after Eid (the holiday at the end of Ramadan), had a low turnout; there were only 5 guys there and even less women. So this one will be short and sweet. Well, short anyway.

Bachelor #1, Mr. Judgmental Returns … Yet again. So as I mentioned above, he did contact me after the last event. I pretended as if some clerical error had waylaid his message. I know, I know! I shouldn’t lie (particularly after my long rant about hating games above), and I should just be upfront and say I’m not interested. But I don’t want to be mean to anyone, so I just avoided the situation. (I should point out that I’m not usually an avoider and that I usually prefer to face personal issues head-on, but in this “dating” world where I’m such a newbie I still don’t know the right etiquette – any help here, readers?) Our conversation started out okay though. We talked about Ramadan and our hobbies and somehow he ended up mentioned the Fifty Shades series again; why does he keep mentioning it if he thinks it’s horrible? Methinks the man doth protest too much. Anyway, he ended by saying he would contact me again.

Bachelor #2, Mr. Moderate. The two of us ended up having an interesting chat about the differences between “liberal” and “moderate” Muslims and what it means to be a moderate Muslim these days. It was a great conversation – we both found we had similar beliefs about the definitions, and also about our definitions of marriage (i.e. that it’s the joining of two families not just two people). I’d definitely like to see him again.

Bachelor #3, Mr. Nervous Returns. I met him in the first event and also met him for coffee (see the second Speed Dating post for details on that. It was a bit awkward seeing him again, but we chatted amiably for our allotted time, until he decided politics was a good topic of conversation. I’m not even going to mention the topics we discussed (to avoid any political-ness coming through – this blog’s not really the place for most of that, I feel), but suffice it to say that I felt my decision not to see him again was the right one.

Bachelor #4, Mr. Unambitious. This guy was nice enough, but he mentioned quite a bit about how he hates his job (well, career, really) and how he’d love to get paid to watch cricket and movies all day. I ask him if he plans to go to school and study something else that he likes better. No, he says, he also hates school and never wants to go back. Not everybody is ambitious – I totally get that. If you’re happy where you are and with what you’re doing, that’s great. In DC, so many people are driven and ambitious that it can be odd to meet someone who’s not. But, if you’re so unhappy in your current situation, why wouldn’t you try to make your life better? Even if it meant more hard work ahead? I think it says something about how he approaches situations in life.

Bachelor #5, Mr. Big Family. This guy is the youngest of 6 brothers, two of which are twins and have had twins themselves. He’s a very nice guy and we have a great chat about a number of different things. Conversation flowed really easily and I can tell that he’s mature and well-educated. I wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

So that’s it for now, faithful readers. Please leave me advice or comments – I love to hear from you!

Thanks for reading!

-M

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4 responses to “Here I Go Again …

  1. B Girl says:

    🙂 Seeme like we’re in a similar place! I’ve skipped the post-Ramadan speed dating event but I’m thinking of booking onto the next one.
    Good luck to both of us! 😉

  2. […] an American girl, born and raised, and a Muslim. « Here I Go Again … Oct […]

  3. […] For those of you keeping track, this is Round #7 (read up on the past events here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6).  I don’t know why they decided to hold it over a long holiday weekend. Because of […]

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